F-tier: instagram
pure psychological warfare
open app, immediately see 14 westminster kids in black tie at a drinking society dinner
they all put "cambridge '26 🕊️" in their bios within thirty seconds of getting their offer
someone posts a 35mm film photo dump of them punting on the backs with the caption "work hard play hard"
they do land economy
close app, feel violently ill
D-tier: telegram
only two demographics use this app
mathmos who refuse to use whatsapp because "zuckerberg is stealing my step-by-step proofs"
and people trying to buy overpriced ketamine behind the trailer of life at 2am
i am neither
C-tier: facebook
a rotting digital corpse kept alive entirely by ticketbridge
scrolling through 50 posts of "DESPERATELY seeking johns may ball ticket, will sell my firstborn and a kidney"
also the old camfess page
submit a confession about crying in the sidgwick site toilets
admins take 4 days to approve it
by the time it goes up i've already had my breakdown, recovered, and moved on to a new one
B-tier: whatsapp
the graveyard of college families
look at my college marriage group chat
last message: "pub?" from october 2022
currently just used for the JCR chat where someone is having a 500-word meltdown about people leaving unwashed mugs in the gyp room
A-tier: outlook
the true cambridge social network
nothing spikes the heart rate quite like a 10pm email from your DOS titled "Your Essay."
the academic passive aggression is an art form
"i look forward to discussing your... unique interpretation of the reading tomorrow"
S-tier: camfess.org.uk
the promised land
raven authenticated so no random townies, but actually cryptographically anonymous
blind signatures mean i can instantly schizopost about my supervisor's weird breathing noises without doxxing myself