people always ask how i got into cambridge
honestly? it's so easy lmao
start gcses knowing you need all 9s
get all 9s
except a 7 in french because madame carter had a personal vendetta against me
spend the entire summer between gcse and a-level reading university-level textbooks for fun
"fun"
develop a caffeine dependency at 16
a-levels start
take four subjects because three isn't enough to prove you're not a fraud
join every extracurricular that could conceivably appear on a personal statement
start a philosophy club that meets at lunch
there are three members including me
one of them is my mum's friend's son who i guilt-tripped into coming
put "president and founder of philosophy society" on ucas anyway
spend year 12 summer doing a research project
email 47 professors begging for work experience
45 don't reply
one replies saying "please do not contact this address again"
one offers me two weeks of unpacking boxes in a lab
describe this on my personal statement as "conducting independent research alongside leading academics"
start reading every book on the suggested reading list
then the further reading list
then the further further reading list that someone posted on the student room in 2014
develop opinions about epistemology at 17
nobody at school wants to hear them
fair enough honestly
personal statement goes through 23 drafts
first draft is 6000 characters of pretentious waffle
final draft is 4000 characters of slightly more refined pretentious waffle
english teacher says it's "fine"
have a breakdown in the school toilets over the word "fine"
admissions test prep begins
buy every past paper book available
do each paper three times
start timing myself with a stopwatch
start timing myself brushing my teeth
start timing how long i can go without thinking about cambridge
record is four minutes
interview day arrives
take a 5am train because i live 200 miles away
wearing a suit from next that doesn't quite fit in the shoulders
arrive at the college
everyone else seems to already know each other
two guys in the waiting room are literally discussing heidegger
i have not read heidegger
i have read the wikipedia page for heidegger
on the train
this morning
first interview
professor asks me about my personal statement
specifically the one line about kant that i put in to sound clever
do not sound clever
hands are shaking so badly my water glass is vibrating on the table
somehow survive 30 minutes of intellectual waterboarding
leave the room and immediately forget every word i said
second interview at another college
get lost trying to find it
end up in someone's accommodation staircase
a third year looks at me with a pity that haunts me to this day
arrive seven minutes late
interviewer doesn't acknowledge this which is somehow worse
get pooled
spend christmas in a fugue state
can't enjoy presents because i'm refreshing the student room every nine minutes
mum says "it'll be fine whatever happens"
dad says "it'll be fine whatever happens"
it will not be fine if it doesn't happen
my entire identity is riding on this
january comes
get an offer from the pool
cry in the kitchen
mum cries
the dog is confused but supportive
now need to actually get the grades
three A*s
set up a revision timetable colour-coded by subject, topic, and emotional difficulty
laminate it
stick it above my bed like a shrine
develop a system where i do 25-minute pomodoro blocks followed by exactly 5 minutes of staring at the wall
this is what i call "rest"
results day
three A*s
cry again
mum cries again
dog still confused but consistent in his support
anyway yeah it's really not that hard to get in
people massively overthink it
also it helps that my dad is a fellow at st john's and has been a faculty professor for 22 years but that's not really relevant
